Below you can find the story I wrote about my adoption, which was selected to be published in this book, "More Voices: A Collection of Works from Asian Adoptees." edited by Susan Soon-Keum Cox. Published April 2011.
*I added some pictures just for this blog post that were not published in the book.
My Lost
Chapters
Written by Cheryl S. Hagen
My parents, three sisters and one brother remember the day I arrived in Honolulu , Hawaii Korea
My adoption picture.
My soon to be new family.
Being raised in an LDS family, I learned that families can live together
forever and often found myself thinking about my birth family and wondering if
I’d ever be reunited with them again.
I’d try to imagine why they chose to give me away and how difficult it
must have been to make that decision. I
never felt resentment but still held these questions throughout my life.
At the LDS (Mormon) Temple in Seoul.
It was when we left the more diverse state of Hawaii
for Utah and then Michigan
As a young lady, I chose to get married instead of serving an LDS
mission. My husband of the same faith is
Norwegian and we live in Norway
While browsing for information regarding birth family search on the
internet, I found a website where forty Korean adoptees would be selected to
travel to their “motherland” for the first time, and birth family search would
be the main focus. I would be able to
experience Seoul
At the Oslo Seoul
Singing Happy Birthday to me at Eastern Social Welfare Society
We also worked with the Korean media to get our stories out to the
public. The night before the live
program was to be broadcast I knelt down in humble prayer to ask God to help me
find my family by having them watch the program. My prayer was heard.
For the twenty seconds I was featured on a live KBS television program
my birth father recognized me. However,
because his story conflicted with mine I was not informed until after I
returned home. I wasn’t home for 24
hours and still jetlagged when I received a phone call from KBS informing me
about my birth father. I also received
an email from ESWS that confirmed the same news. With the excitement of my trip still fresh, I
never had the chance to let it all sink in when more mixed emotions flooded
over me.
Since it was the holiday season I considered this to be the best
Christmas present ever--just to know that a part of me was alive and missing me
in Korea. The three week waiting period
until our DNA results were confirmed seemed like an eternity as thoughts and
questions kept entering my mind and I was getting anxious.
Our reunion took place via webcam between Seoul
and my home in Norway
My birth mother left my father and divorced him soon after I was born.
The divorce tore him apart and he turned to alcohol for comfort. At the time, he was living with my
grandmother and it was she who took care of me because my father was not well
enough to care for an infant. When I
was eleven months old my grandmother did what she thought was best for me and
took me to the nearest orphanage with only my name and birth date on a piece of
paper. Later, she regretted this and
tried to find me but didn’t have any luck and was told I had already been
adopted. I was actually placed at
another orphanage and was under the care of my foster mother. It was my
grandmother’s wish to find me before she passed away--but that did not happen and
she died a few years ago.
I learned from my birth father that my Korean name is really Sun Han and
my birth date is ten days earlier than my records indicated. I was filled with even more mixed emotions as
I wondered what my grandmother’s intentions were and why my father never gave a
straight answer.
My naturalization papers, marriage certificate, and passport, among other
official documents, now contained incorrect information about me. My American family knows me as Sun Wha, but
to my Korean family I am Sun Han. The
same differences applied with my birth date and I was confused about which day
to celebrate. I felt caught in the
middle but decided to leave things as they have been. After all, changing a document doesn’t change
who I am on the inside.
I arranged to spend some time with my Korean family and went there alone
while my husband and children stayed behind once again. A translator was there to meet me at the
airport along with my birth father. My
father was in tears just as he was during our webcam reunion and he held my
hand as we sat in the back seat of the translator’s car. We had our first meal together and later my
cousin joined us and we took a two hour bus ride to my aunt’s home. At that time, we had no translator and with the
language barrier, it was a challenge communicating even simple thoughts with
each other.
First picture with birth father and just off the plane.
Aunt/이모, Cousin/고종, Myself, Father/아버지
Cousin/사촌
To my surprise, my birth mother was located and I was able to meet her
in my birth father’s apartment. With a
translator present, I was able to ask her some questions. Just before we dropped my mother off at the
bus station, we visited the location of where she gave birth to me. The house had been replaced with a paved
road, and as the three of us stood there, I noticed that both my mother and
father were in tears just as I was.
This second trip to Korea Seoul
For the most part, everyone treated me with kindness and I enjoyed
spending time with my family. However, the
morning I was about to leave to stay with my mother, my father turned into a
different person and he tried to prevent me from leaving that day. His temper flared and he ruined the gifts
that I had given him. I was terrified of
him and cried during the two hour bus ride thinking he was a harmful man and
forgetting all that was pleasant about him. The love and trust we
had built during our previous days together suddenly diminished and my last
impression of him was “who is this man?”
When it was just my mother and I together, she showed me pictures of
herself when she was younger and I showed her pictures of my family. Later that evening we exchanged gifts and I
met more family members, including my half brother. My cousin translated as my mother told me more
of her side of the story.
Shortly after I was born, my mother left my father and filed for a
divorce because of his bad temper and alcohol problems. Remembering how I had just parted with him I
could understand this. It was a
difficult choice for her because she was also leaving me behind. Back then the fathers automatically gained
custody of the child since he was the main provider of the household and the
mothers didn’t have any rights. When my
mother found a secure place to live she contacted my father to ask how I was
doing. My father informed her that I was
dead, but deep down she believed I was still alive. My heart almost stopped when I heard this.
My grandmother came and sat next to me and spoke a few words face to
face. I did not understand her, but she
looked at me, touching my face as I looked at hers. Wondering if we shared the same thoughts, it
seemed that I was looking at a mirror image of myself, only older. That night I slept with my mother on her heated
marble bed with her hand holding mine until we drifted off to sleep. It was a moment that I wished would last
forever.
Mother/어머니, brother/동생
Cousin/사촌.
The next day at the airport I could not help the tears from flowing down
my cheeks. After we said our farewells, I
remember the last image of my family with smiles. I still keep in touch with my mother and even
my father. Even though there were doors
opened that weren’t expected, I’m happy that I chose to follow this path and to
have this chapter in my family history complete.
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These pictures and short bio can be seen in the back of the book.
Cheryl S. Hagen is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day
Saints and enjoys spending time with her family. When she isn’t practicing percussion or
clarinet, she volunteers for various organizations in her community. She currently attends a private school in 
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BELOW IS NOT IN THE BOOK
THESE ARE THE PROGRAMS WE WERE A PART OF
THESE ARE THE PROGRAMS WE WERE A PART OF
KBS documentary:
Part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0F2T-AerNI
Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whVb8sP9xLM
Part 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PygiwCTR7Ew
Part 4: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AszthKQ1t-I
Part 5: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdHj1-gvEsc
Part 6: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-bMZ3ja9LY
Live KBS program:
Part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Atf37AGCBcc
Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmhvknV2Wu4
**Part 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yOfPK-MdktA
Part 4: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cm_B2j6whBc
Part 5: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZyeY_IIX00
Part 6: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTDZ5eJ52IQ
This is the documentary that was made from our tour/trip.
**Around the 4:00 mark in part 3 is where you can see me and the 20 seconds that changed my life forever. ♥
Welcome to the bloggerworld :)
ReplyDeleteGreat first post!
Thanks! :-)
DeleteBeautiful story Cheryl! Very proud to know you. Sending you love from MI!
ReplyDeleteThanks Jess! Miss ya! ♥
DeleteBeautiful story! Thank you for sharing:)
ReplyDeleteThank you Amy! Hope you have a Merry Christmas! :-)
Delete